For some time now I’ve been stumbling across phrases like “You can only live a polyamorous life if you’re either rich or very unhappy in your existing relationships” or “I don’t even have time for one relationship, how’s there supposed to be more?”…To be honest, I keep asking myself why people don’t just ask poly people how they can do it with time management. Instead, a mistake is first assumed or the other extreme: supernatural abilities or a huge amount of money.
Unfortunately, it is not that easy to answer. I don’t have superhero skills or a lot of money. What I always liked was planning, organization, structure. I think that’s why it’s easier for me. In addition, I don’t need much time for myself. Some need more, some need less. I think it would be more difficult to reconcile everything, especially in the intensity I would like to have 6 days a week for myself. And even then that would be possible because my relationships are needs-oriented. We do not distinguish between primary and secondary relationships, we did not want that from the beginning, instead we talk individually about the respective needs in the relationships. In addition, my relationships like each other very much, so sometimes we can plan activities together, so no one has to choose between one or the other person. All of this with a lot of respect and consideration and always with the thought in mind: “Yes, it’s not easy to get everything under one roof, but no one has ever claimed that”. I find it strange that it is assumed that it is simple, at least that is implied in my perception when I read such sentences. I also believe that it is more difficult when people work 50/h a week, have children, take over care work, have mental health struggles, etc.. The advantage is just that I can divide some of these things in my polycle. When I think about having children, it means more resources, more time and more strength. When I think of money, I know that we support each other, that takes a lot of pressure off and always manages to do everything on our own. I find it a pity that all these advantages are not taken into account, but at the same time I have to admit that it sometimes pushes me to my limits in terms of time. I want to have time for other people in my life, for the flat share and for myself. Luckily I have relationship people who know that and are not angry if it doesn’t work out right away to see each other!
Photo by David from Diemar on Unsplash