Just now I came across the link between jealousy and smartphones while listening to Sex Tapes Podcast – Smartphone Love and couldn’t stop thinking about it. Suddenly I had so many situations in my head in which I sat sadly or anxiously in front of my mobile and tried to reach the other person. Suddenly I had the question in my head whether my mobile phone would support me more or whether it aggravated my jealousy in some moments, because I can get in contact at any time and at any moment… For example, in moments of insecurity I can write friends*in the hope that they accompany me from afar and suffer along in the truest sense of the word. That’s good. Then there is also the knowledge that I could call my relationship persons at any time, no matter for what reasons. That’s good, too. But I also know the feeling of waiting, the eternal waiting when you see that the other person has already read the message and is not responding. That’s annoying. Depending on my mental health situation I even get entangled in spirals of thoughts and fantasies about “the perfect evening”. After all, it leaves me a lot of room to think about it when I realize that my relationship person could answer but does not.
I like my phone to be some kind of tool. For example, if I can write or talk to friends*on the phone while struggling with a difficult jealousy situation. I like it when I know that there is someone who cares about me who wants to be there for me, but from a distance. I like it when my relationships can write me loving and reassuring messages, send me a little kiss or a sweet photo of them from afar. This has often helped me when my relationship person + Metamour are away. When I am jealous and/or envious, I like it when people pay attention to me, and sometimes it’s easiest with a short video, an e-mail, an SMS or a phone call.
The problem is, and I am well aware of this, that all these positive aspects can also have an incredibly blocking and rejecting effect on me. If I have the feeling that it is a quick “in between message” or the other person does not take the time to answer me or I expect too much, because quite honestly: When you are on holiday, you may not necessarily want to spend all the precious time on your mobile phone. The worst thing for me is when I feel forgotten. My mobile phone can also be a tool for all this feelings.
I see both sides, the advantages and disadvantages, but the question is: What can I do against the disadvantages in the future?
I was thinking that the last time my relationship person had a date and I was insecure, I asked for not writing at all. Otherwise I would have kept looking at my mobile phone and waiting for an answer to come and then annoyed myself that it might not be quick enough. That was good for me at that moment and to be honest, I felt relieved not to keep looking at my mobile phone. At the same time I used my cell phone to call a dear person in my life and write with a few other people, which distracted me and gave me a good feeling to talk and think about other topics.
I think that mobile communication can be even more difficult than face to face when the subject is very sensitive. I can interpret everything much more negatively, maliciously and radically. If I’m already in a spiral of rage, why not understand everything as negatively as possible? Sometimes the potential, rage-filled look you imagine in your head is a lot worse than the actual look. That’s why mobile communication is so tricky. In a way, I have a conversation with myself while I am writing with my counterpart. In this parallel conversation I interpret everything possible, after all, a smiley is not self-evident, it can always be interpreted differently. I find that so strenuous, although it can be exciting at the same time. Flirting, for example, ambiguous messages, frivolous smileys, it’s all so much fun, but when I sit jealously in front of my cell phone and wait for an answer, it’s anything but fun.
So the memo to me is: “It would be good for me to be even more careful not to ignite difficult and delicate situations, especially when it comes to jealousy on the mobile phone. At the same time I would like to see my mobile phone as a tool. Sometimes it does me good, sometimes I’m even happy to get messages with “The date is so beautiful” or something similar. So I feel just as smart as at the beginning of the text;) Let me know what you do with your phone when you feel moments of jealousy!
Photo by Rodion Kutsaev on Unsplash