From the daily art of managing polyamorous relationships

Category: Ingrediens for well-functioning relationships (page 1 of 2)

2 thoughts against primary and secondary relationships.

Actually, some time ago I decided to publish a post on my blog at least once a month…right now even that pushes me a bit to my limits. The last weeks and months have been quite exciting. For the first time I gave a lecture in front of 250 people and shared my experiences from the last 5 years as a poly living person. I’ve been to different cities, held individual workshops and talked a lot, lot, lot about relationships. From all these experiences of the last few months a few thoughts have emerged on the subject of primary and secondary relationships that I would like to share with you. This is my perspective, there are a lot of others, but it is important to me that I position myself because I felt that I was being asked more and more frequently. Continue reading

Embrace your jealousy.

When I started dealing with open relationships, the only message I got over and over again was: Jealousy is bad. The goal should be to free myself from it, because everything behind it is reprehensible. My first book on the subject even managed to capture this statement in pictures. On the cover was a heart wrapped in steel chains, sealed by a mighty castle. Other books that followed later prefer to use meaningful words, such as “Overcoming Jealousy” or ” Conquering Jealousy”. Finally, I came across “The Ethical Slut”, a book that apparently all people who deal with open relationships have held in their hands at least once in their lives, and even there I did not find myself. I felt like I was failing. Continue reading

Is it always better to be honest?

A few days ago I stumbled upon the following quote from the book “all about love” by bell hooks:

“Lots of people learn how to lie in childhood. Usually they begin to lie to avoid punishment or to avoid disappointing or hurting an adult. How many of us can vividly recall childhood moments where we courageously practiced the honesty we had been taught to value by our parents, only to find that they did not really mean for us to tell the truth all the time. In far too many cases children are punished in circumstances where they respond with honesty to a question posed by an adult authority figure. It is impressed on their consciousness early on, then, that telling the truth will cause pain. And so they learn that lying is a way to avoid being hurt and hurting others.” Continue reading

On the secret of long-lasting relationships and what I am grateful for after 6 years of relationship.

6 years ago I lay in a bed and asked the question “do you want to be with me?”. I was quite young and quite inexperienced in relationships. Honestly, I had absolutely no idea about relationships. At the time, I thought it was something beautiful and I wanted to keep something that felt beautiful. That’s why I wanted this relationship, because it did me good. Continue reading

Why we need a definition of “love”.

In December 1997, the film “Titanic” was shown for the very first time in the cinemas of the United States. A year later, it was the first film to earn over a billion US dollars and until 2009 it was even ranked first in the list of the most successful films. By the time I was 17, I had already seen the film several times. Continue reading

5 love languages and the question: When would you end a relationship?

Lately I have the feeling that I have collected a wide range of methods, tips and concepts that have helped me to better understand myself and my relationships. One of them is the 5 love languages. I would like to share with you why I find them so helpful and how they bring me to the question in the headline. Continue reading

In search of my own exclusivity.

Unexpectedly, the summer slump has hit me harder than I could have imagined. I haven’t posted anything on my blog for almost 2 months now, so much has happened! The baby plans are making great strides, the first move-in and move-out plans are in the implementation phase, I will soon open my first “relationships – where do I start? workshops and next Thursday the blog Sextapes-podcast will do an interview with me. Super exciting all this and I will tell you more about it in the near future. Continue reading

What to do if agreements are not kept?

At a reading of “more than two” in Berlin, the question suddenly arose and I noticed that I had never written anything about it. I have already had some experience with it. Mistrust is a big topic, maybe you know that well? Soon a blog entry of its own. Continue reading

Opening relationships – where do I start?

I know, I know, not all people come to the point where they have to “open up” something. Many have non-monogamous relationships for ages and have never had to open anything. Others may come into existing relationships or call themselves solo or single poly. Continue reading

Agreements revisited. Which ones worked well and what would I do differently?

For some time now I have been asked again and again which arrangements have worked well for me and which have not. What would I do differently? What didn’t I like so much? I want to chat a little from the sewing box and share some experiences of myself and of other people who approached me. Continue reading

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