The topic of mental health has always been a big topic in my life. I was about 13 years old when I first felt like there was a huge, heavy stone on my chest. I felt like I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t sleep. I felt slowed down, as if something was trying to pull me down. And there was nothing I could do about it, because there was no stone and no other visible object that could be perceived by others and it seemed obvious why I felt that way. 15 years later it is a sack on my chest or a very heavy bag. Filled with large and small stones, sometimes both. I understood only in the last years that I had already with 13 similar symptoms as I had them now and in the past 15 years, sometimes stronger times weaker.
A few months ago a very good friend said to me: “I think I want less intensity in my life”. Since then I can’t stop thinking about it. Over and over again I land myself at the thought. What is the intensity all about? Why do I find less intensity so tempting? What is the opposite of intensity? And do I actually not want any more intensity or only less intensity? Or do I rather want something completely different? Continue reading
It’s been a few months since the last time I posted an article on my blog. There were a few moments when I really wanted to take it up, finally sit back at the PC and share a story worth telling or an exciting thought from my polyamorous everyday life with you. And yet I have not made it. 2.5 years ago I started my blog, since then a lot has changed. In the beginning I was inspired by the idea that there are people there whom I can offer support, to those who are or were similarly feeling. Who can understand how I feel, who can get something out of it. I was glad when I noticed that there are people who follow me, who write me or ask me for advice. I like the exchange, I like going to other cities, getting to know poly-communities, learning from them and enriching each other. Continue reading
Actually, some time ago I decided to publish a post on my blog at least once a month…right now even that pushes me a bit to my limits. The last weeks and months have been quite exciting. For the first time I gave a lecture in front of 250 people and shared my experiences from the last 5 years as a poly living person. I’ve been to different cities, held individual workshops and talked a lot, lot, lot about relationships. From all these experiences of the last few months a few thoughts have emerged on the subject of primary and secondary relationships that I would like to share with you. This is my perspective, there are a lot of others, but it is important to me that I position myself because I felt that I was being asked more and more frequently. Continue reading
1. Pushing things away that I don’t like about myself made them worse
So, facing my depression wasn’t an easy one. I’ve been in therapy for almost a year now and I’m coming to the point where I realize that I’ve been trying to push away my depression. Continue reading